Organic Mama

Aspire To Knit

2007-04-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

I thought I needed to start fresh, so I've channelled myself into blog number 3:

Aspire To Knit

C'mon over.

November Blues

2006-11-17T21:51:00.000-08:00

I've been reading with a bit more dedication lately - finished Marley and Me and now working on Moments of Being. Woolf just gets more interesting the more I read. Okay, I could do without her fiction mostly, although I'd like to go back and reread now that I know more about her (auto?)biographical context. Yikes, is my brain shut off?

Knitting a ton as per usual, but nothing really new. Put together a pattern for a kid sweater for Little J so I could use up this really plain cream Galway 100% wool that came in a hand-me-down bag. Circus poncho progressing and looking a little less scary. Haven't been knitting for the biz because I got so burnt. Socks on the brain, but too much already on the needles.

Rain rain rain. We've been stuck inside for two weeks straight. Finally let Little J go out and play in the rain and get soaked because he's been going bonkers. Poor munch.

Ta ta.

Project Files: Ruined Cloche

2006-10-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

Now that I've got that Felted Cloche hat pattern wired because I made eight of them for our business proposal, I tried to make the one I'd bought wool for back in December '05. The hat was going to be a gift for my BF and business partner, so she picked the yarn. I thought it would be no problem, although I altered the pattern slightly for a shorter brim. When it was time to felt the bugger, I had a really bad feeling. I washed and washed and washed the sucker, but to no avail. It is the size of a large mixing bowl! Oh well, apparently I have a lot to learn about felting.

In the meantime, I'm taking a bit of a break from knitting, which is to say I'm only working on one project at a time and its a simple rectangular poncho (my color choices are a bit strange, so I'm calling it a circus poncho) that is done in garter stitch the whole way through with the exception of the ribbed neck and wrists. I'm also going to (FINALLY) finish up a cross stitch project I started in approximately 1999, right before my divorce. It's a very detailed rose on 18 count aida. In my usual fashion, I've added a color to the background, so it will take me a bit longer, but the rose itself is done and is waiting to be backstitched. Then it will be a Christmas gift (seven years in coming) for my mother. Whew.

Book Update No. 1

2006-10-18T18:36:00.000-07:00

I've discovered that I can get some reading time in if I check out books on CD from the library. Usually, I avoid this format because it's prohibitively expensive, not to mention that my eyes work perfectly well. However, Little J's sleeping schedule has made my eye efficiency pretty moot unless applied to the intracacies of getting finger paint out of hair. My first foray into books on CD was a fluke: I happened to notice a spine that was a violent shade of green mixed in with mostly drab olive and brown hues. I snagged The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd, and six weeks later I still hadn't finished the sucker. Okay, we don't spend much time in the car. I turned the CD's back in to the library, but checked out the book instead, and viola, finito. And it wasn't a bad read (or listen, mostly). The only thing that was a drawback to listening rather than reading was that the readers voice started to feel a little oppressive in a heavy southern accent. But that might have more to do with my recent refugee status as an ex-North Caronlinian than the reader's voice.

At the same time, I was working on Julie and Julia: 365 Days, 524 Recipes, and 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen by Julie Powell. Ms. Powell's writing felt like a piece of my own voice put to print, which was both thrilling and reaffirming. For example, it was nice to find someone else who uses the work "fuck" as every part of speech (anyone remember that Carlin skit "Fuck the fucking fuckers"?) without either shame or regret. Apart from that, the experience Powell describes of working her way through the entire Mastering the Art of French Cooking sounds exhausting, but fun, for those of us with the compulsive need to take on projects far larger than sanity dictates is realistic. I read the book in two days, and could barely be convinced to put it down, which for me means that I'm actually being actively engaged by a text. And that doesn't happen often anymore.

I also started reading The Magician's Nephew (I am not linking to the book for reasons that will come clear momentarily) after the Powell book. A bit of preface: I searched around for an indication of which book to start with, being marginally aware that there was some controversy over this issue. I decided on chornological ordering because my brain is fairly linear and I could give a crap about surprises. I am abandoning the reading of the Narnia series (yet again, I tried when I was a pre-teen as well) only part way through the first book. Reasons: 1. I'm not much for heavy-handed biblical references, 2. The book isn't particularly well-written (and no, the "children's book" excuse doesn't work here, see J.K. Rowling as proof), and 3. I think the whole series and C.S. Lewis might have been a little over-praised. That last assumption will need proof from other sources, if I ever get around to it. Otherwise, my opinion: it's crap, don't bother.

Wool-brained

2006-10-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

Helloooo, all. I think my blog might echo a bit....

Well, my BF and I finished up our first business meeting with a prospective buyer last weekend, and things went better than expected. I know I hadn't illuminated our business plan much, so here's a few details: we're both artists of one kind and another (I knit & make jewelry, she sews and makes jewelry) and ever since we stopped working at her wine bar and art gallery in NC, we've been looking for another small business project. So now, three years in the planning, we actually incorporated, made samples (I knitted something like 16 hats!), got business cards and apparel tags, and then we put it all together at the last possible minute and showed our stuff to a children's gift shop in WA. I made my first $100, and we have an actual client. Well, sort of. The owner wants to see how our stuff sells, and then we'll talk more. But that is $100 in capital to go back out and buy more supplies, and I still have about $200 worth of hats to show around Portland and see if anyone else in interested. Now that the initial push to makes samples is through, I have several new patterns I want to test out - things I've been mentally crafting - and I can't wait to get back to my own projects.

In other news, I finished "Saturday" by Ian McEwan - HOLY COW! What an incredible book! I haven't read a book that made me want to turn around and start it all over again in a long time - probably years. The metaphors were spectacular, and the contemplation of a world where terrorism is normal really knocks your socks off. McEwan's best so far, I'd bet. (As I've only ever read one other book, "Atonement", I don't think I can offer that opinion in an authoratative way.) I had a bit of a fiasco with my library request list, so I'm up to my ears in things I don't have time yet to read.

I'm sorry to anyone who actually reads this blog - or tries to - but I don't seem to have much fire for it. I'll leave it up and post occasionally. Sadly, I'm not reading online much at the moment either, and with the holidays rapidly approaching I'll probably spend more time working on knitted gifts than clicking the mouse.

Dear Sweet Boy

2006-09-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

My son just did something so cute that I need to share it...

I got out of bed before Little J this morn, which is unusual because I really enjoy sleeping in and haven't had a proper opportunity since, well, I can't remember when. We co-sleep, so the kidlet wakes me up when he's READY TO GET MOM'S LAZY BUTT OUTTA BED! RIGHT NOW! Today, he slept in just a bit and when he woke up, he kicked off the covers, slid out of bed and came running (pee diaper swish swish swish) with his arms out and a HUGE grin. When he got to where I'm sitting at the table with my laptop and morning coffee, I got one of his sweet and soft "ma-ma"'s. I hoisted him up, and he immediately turned to my teacup and pointed for me to hold up a sip for him to drink.

Some of us wake up easier and cheerier than others. I, for instance, often need a few minutes before I feel capable of facing rational thought. Little J often feels this way, too, but there are those wonderfully sweet exceptions when he wakes up so happy to see me that it makes me wonder how I can ever get frustrated with him and want to say horrible, awful things. (i.e. last night, when he threw an uber-tantrum whose subject changed every three seconds) Parenting definitely has its sunny moments.

Library Extravaganza

2006-09-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

Although I've been doing tons of knitting lately, it isn't anything worth writing whole posts about. The short version of my knitivity is that my best friend and I are starting a business and I'm busily making cotton/wool and felted hats in childrens sizes in a variety of colors. I'm trying to add felted booties and some cute little infant socks to the inventory, too. When I have things a little more organized, I'll post a couple links.

I have had the wonderful pleasure of discovering the library in our town. Suddenly, my need for netflix has disappeared, and my Amazon.com list is the shortest it has ever been. For instance, I'm finishing the last one of Jacqueline Carey's novels that I hadn't previously read. Godslayer is the second book of a series that essentially reverse engineers Tolkein's work in a way that raises serious questions about our perceptions of good and evil. Seems especially pertinent considering Washington's current political propoganda machine. I have several things sitting by the bed waiting to be read: Kiss Me Like A Stranger by Gene Wilder - heard him interviewed on NPR about the book. Terry Gross rocks. Also: Saturday looks really good. What else, what else...I checked out several knitting books and a cookbook to see if I would actually put them to good use if I bought my own copies. I also picked up a copy of the only Barbara Kingsolver book I haven't perused: Last Stand. I love BK's version of activism, and would love to emulate her choices. The library is bringing all kinds of great books into my life that I would've otherwise waited to buy, and who knows when THAT would happen.

I've been trying to get us unpacked most of the way, but it has been really slow going. I think it would be interminably boring to describe all the times I've tried to get us sorted, so I won't bother. Suffice to say that unpacking added to the regular daily routine is a bit of a bitch.

Admittedly, I haven't been blogging much since we moved. I haven't been reading much, either. However, I don't think it matters in the same way it does to some because I'm not writing one of those blogs that is anything other than recreational. No serious writing here, folks.

Nothing to See Here

2006-08-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

I thought I might get 'round to posting something about something today, but I spent all my free time catching up on reading blogs. The kid is up now, and upon further reflection I've realized I don't have a damn thing to talk about because I haven't knitted two stitches since we moved in, I haven't started another book after Garlic and Sapphires, and I barely get two minutes free a day to think about something other than what to cook for dinner. Boring life right now, really. Maybe that's why I'm losing my temper rather frequently of late.

Book Review: Garlic & Sapphires, et. al.

2006-08-17T19:56:00.000-07:00

My memory jogged a bit: I had started Gilead by Marilyn Robinson, but that thread got lost in the grips of moving hell. I haven't gotten through a third of it's pages, and it isn't a long book, so I am unsure as to whether I'll really reopen it. On first impression, I'd say either I'm missing something really subtle, or it's a bit boring. I don't recall Housekeeping being as slow, but I read that for a class @ UW which makes for an altogether different and more challenging context.

I bought Garlic and Sapphires at Borders the other day along with Kitchen Confidential and The Last Days of Dogtown. Having finished Ruth Reichl's most recent memoir in a very short few days I think I might have liked it. Reading about RR's physical and emotional transformations as she takes on disguises is a fascinating journey. This third book is much more polished and has a clearer plot than the first two, and RR's job as a New York Times restaurant critic is surprisingly exciting. The lead-in to the job at Gourmet magazine seemed a little too pat, but then I already knew where she was anyway.

I also polished off the parts of Barrel Fever that I could stand to read. I positively adore David Sedaris and his work - he's felt the pain of exile to Raleigh, how could I not love him. Even his darker work hasn't been bothersome, but this book is different. The short stories that I attempted made me want to gag! The one that really did me in was about a small town housewife freaking out and drowning her own grandson in a washing machine and it was written from the woman's perspective to her friends in a christmas letter. Yikes! The essays were funny, as usual, but then I found that I had heard most of them on the radio. Ho hum.

Book Review: The Update

2006-08-09T18:19:00.000-07:00

As far as books go, I've been in a bit of a sweet patch. Right after we set up shop at my mom's place in Seattle, one of my current Fantasy fav authors (Jacqueline Carey) did a reading at the Beaverton Powell's for her latest (Kushiel's Scion). I bothered to buy the book hardback and I got my first taste of the novelty of no sales tax. (Hey, it's the little things, right?) After the signing it took me only a couple days to finish the book. While Carey's style isn't exactly literary, I really enjoy her story lines and the geographical overlay of her fantasy universe on mediaveal Western Europe. I've read plenty of Fantasy where the author creates their own "map", which feels a little bit like reinventing the wheel and takes away from the reading experience. Carey is also exceptional at inventing mythology that helps to guide the plot as well as provide a richer backstory. Kushiel's Scion has the added benefit of the entire first series, Kushiel's Legacy, as setup, although Carey could've gone a little ligther on the references to previous adventures as the hero in the new series isn't even a flicker in somebody's eye in the first. All in all, I'm looking forward to the publication of the second book of the series.

I can't remember exaclty what I read next. Life has been a haze since May, so you'll excuse me if I don't recall all the details. It must not have been that interesting a book for me to completely forget.

After the grueling experience of unloading not one, but two twenty-six foot moving trucks (okay, one was my mother's and we hired two people to help out) in 100 degree weather, I was ready for the quiet and the dark. I dug out one of my boxes of books and cracked Atonement by Ian McEwan. By the way, how cool a name is McEwan? This is my first venture into one of Mr IM's books, and I was pleasantly thrilled. Without giving away too much, I have to say my favorite part is the layering of authorship that has a definite postmodern flavor to it. After doing some research about his other work, it looks like I won't be delving backward into previous works (too scary, too sad, just too fucked up), but I am looking forward to being able to order Saturday.

Finally, just a few days ago, I tried to get a start on The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton. I stopped only a few pages in because, well, Ms. Wharton is a bit of a bitch. I've seen the movie, and the critical introduction in my Modern Library Classic edition wasn't shy about details, so I know how the whole thing ends. That isn't the issue, though I don't really enjoy the ending. My beef with EW is how classist and bigotted her writing is. I think there was a way to write what she wrote and examine the nuances of New York "society" without being a total wack. But hey, these are my prejudices coming through. I will probably hold onto the book and try again later, because I actually enjoyed Ethan Frome. As a total side note, the painting chosen for the cover of this edition really struck me - the bare neck and sholder of the subject reflects the tenderness and vulnerability of Ms. Bart.

I haven't chosen another volume as of yet, but I did recently procure my first library card as an adult, so I anticipate having a few more options for reading material. I don't know if that will make it harder to choose, or if I'll even be able to finish things in a timely manner. Little J is having the time of his life in the children's section, though, so I may not even make it upstairs to peruse for myself.

There Is A Place We're Calling Home...

2006-08-08T00:05:00.000-07:00

...but it doesn't include a fully functioning router, so my internet connection is a bit spotty. And the whole place is overwhelmed with boxes. Nothing like moving from a 1600 sq ft. house to a 900 sq ft two-bedroom apartment. Bit of scariness for ya - we pay more for the apartment than we did for the house. Yipes. But other than all that, we're actually living in Oregon now, have been for a couple weeks, and life is pretty good.

Looking around the ole blog, I'm thinking I need to check in with my template for a few updates and maybe my blog profile for a little sprucing up. I don't have a plan as of yet for posting on a regular basis, or blogging about anything that resembles thematic subject material. This is very normal for me, but not altogether intersting if you're actually bothering to read this post. Sorry.

So, from the looks of it, I will be back on. Finally.

Rhythm and Routine

2006-06-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

There is ever a method to things, and I am always the last to figure it out. We have settled in at my mother's place, and the kid doesn't seem to notice that we aren't "going home". The depressing part of our sitch is that hubbo commutes three and a half hours to his job in Portland, so we only get him on weekends. The good news is that we've secured a place of our own in P-town that we'll get to move into toward the end of July. Now all we need to do is endure the separation and do one more short little move. No problemo.

As for knitting, blogging, and reading...well. I've been reading the latest Jacqueline Carey book, which I got signed at her Powell's reading. I've been working on knitting a bunch of samples for the craft business my best friend and I are starting. Mostly those really quick booties I talked about before. I was working on a funky two-tone green mimi for Little J, but that got boring. I've fallen miserably short on blogging, as anyone who remotely surfed this blog cold attest. I thought for a while I'd work the wacky world of electronic sociability back into my daily routine, but that has yet to happen. My plan is to hook back in after we've gotten settled in P-town and unpacked.

Therefore, until August one, you won't be seein' much of me either in blog or comment form.

Disarray

2006-05-29T20:21:00.000-07:00

As we currently have no home to call our own, things are totally upside-down. The baby and I are still living out of the suitcase of stuff we brought on the plane. Thankfully, the moving truck has been offloaded to a storage unit and we're beginning to bring over a few boxes at a time to figure out what we need for the next month. We marked boxes that would be required right away, but it was too much to bring them over all at once. As it is, my mom's den is inaccessible with piled boxes. I have several things in mind to post about, plus my project updates. But there just aren't enough hours in the day. I will be back to serious posting when the dust has settled just a bit.

Shorty

2006-05-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

We made it. We're there. Moved. Home.

YIPPEEE!!!

TGIF: Easy on the Links

2006-05-12T09:01:00.000-07:00

I'm busy whipping up another wholesome yet simple post. Let's do lunch.

Wal-mart Eyeing Organics
- The idea of Wal-mart selling organics is a victory with some significant risks for the organic agriculture industry. While there are federal specifications for being classified as organic (which can include the places that sell organic food), what happens when suppliers can't meet demand quickly enough? The article does a good job summarizing the issues.

Museum of Kitschy Stitches
- File this one under "F" for Fucking Hilarious. (Yeah, I swear a lot, so sue me). I will be adding this to the sidebar momentarily.

Garrison Keillor Is My Hero
- I must be having a more cynical day than most, because this article, which I found through Booksquare is totally hitting the spot. I adore Mr. Keillor, which means I'll need to start reading his fiction again.

That's all here folks. See ya next week. Oh yeah, and if things are really sparse for a couple weeks, then remember I'm flying out on Thursday (HOME!) and will be w/o hubby until the following Monday. We're Moving! We're Moving! Yippee!

(And then again, moving might give me LOTS to post about. We'll see.)

Letter Meme, A La Rachel

2006-05-11T19:45:00.000-07:00

Heya folks, I found another interesting meme to do. Rachel at Milkbreath and Me put this one up on Monday, so I'm a little late in getting to it. Here are the rules: "Post a comment, I'll give you a letter, then write 10 things starting with that, explaining why." Any questions?

I got "T".

1.) Tweeze: This is something I rarely get a chance to do, and when I try the Chaos Machine, a.k.a. my kid, decides he MUST HAVE THE TWEEZERS RIGHT FRIGGIN' NOW. Thusly, I've had a uni-brow for a year and a half.

2.) Twins: My nightmare of kid-dom. I don't know how I got stuck on the idea, but every time I think things are totally nuts with Little J, I remember that it coulda been worse - he coulda been twins.

3.) Tan: Something I get to have while living on the East Coast, and something that will never happen ever again after moving back to the extremely damp Puget Sound Area.

4.) Toilet: A place that someday, god willing, I will get to go ALONE.

5.) TV: A crutch, my saving grace, and our decompression time all wrapped in one expensive, shiny, silver plastic box.

6.) Time: Because I need more of it. Preferably more of it to myself now and again.

7.) Two: The age at which I hope to wean my kid.

8.) Three: The age at which my kid will probably be ready to wean.

9.) Twenty-eight: The age at which I will stop teasing my kid for being such a boob-junkie. Also the age at which I will let my son start dating and possibly move out of the house.

10.) Twenty-nine: The age I am right now, and will always be. From here on out it's just anniversaries of my 29th birthday.

Oh darn, there's no room for me to put "Thirty" on this list. Gosh, there's a surprise.

Project Files: There

2006-05-11T19:32:00.000-07:00

I made it through six skeins (minus a tiny bit) on the felted shoulder bag. It was gi-normous pre-felt. It was gi-normous post-felt. This is the absolutely the LAST time I do anything without a pattern. Well, okay, the varsity sweater will technically be the last, but I'm patterning it after something I already own. Hubbo called the black felted monster a duffle bag. And no pics because the camera is in the car and nobody can be bothered to go get it out.

I'm knitting the shoulder strap for the bag and I already have two solutions in mind:

a.) I leave it really long (and sorta skinny), fold it over and make two places to tie in the shoulder strap so I can unfold the bag if I need a bigger one

Or

b.) I cut the bag in half, sew up the top half and use it as a shoulder bag and the bottom half as a (really fraggin' expensive) yarn basket.

2006-05-10T06:27:00.000-07:00

As I have a cold and no energy to think, I'm lifting this list from Danielle at A Work In Progress. And just who do you think YOU are?

Bibliobibule--One who reads too much
Biblioclast--One who tears the pages from or otherwise destroys books
Bibliodemon--A book fiend or demon
Bibliognoste--One who is knowledgeable about editions, colophons, printers, and all the minutiae of books
Bibliographe--One who describes books
Biblioklept--One who steals books
Bibliolater--One who worships books
Bibliolestes--A book robber or plunderer
Bibliomancer--One who practices divination by books
Bibliomane--One who accumulates books indiscriminately
Bibliomaniac--A book lover gone mad
Bibliophage--One who eats or devours books
Bibliophile--One who loves books
Bibliophobe--One who fears books
Bibiliopole--One who sells books
Biblioriptos--One who throws books around
Bibliosopher--One who gains wisdom from books
Bibliotaphe--One who buries or hides books

I think I'd be a bibliomane (and I can say for a fact that Big J is as well), a bibliophile and hopefully I'm also a bibliosopher. At an earlier point in my life I could've added a bibliobibule to the list as well, but alas, the only thing I get too much of is The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Sandra Boynton books.

Project Files: Nearly There, What a Relief

2006-05-08T20:48:00.000-07:00

I have been working on a knit black shoulder bag since Christmas (2005, thankfully not earlier). Since it will eventually be felted, the knitting is taking a nightmarish amount of time. Much like that blanket I made for my sis's baby, actually. It's knitting in the round, so no counting, no variety, nothing to break the monotony except tying in another skein. Six skeins so far - times 190 yards - that's nearly twelve hunderd yards of black wool - times three feet - which is nearly a half a mile of yarn. The ends of my fingers get raw just thinking about it. I've done the entire thing without a pattern, just making it up as I go and hoping my estimates turn out alright.

Doing things the hard way - that's my motto.

Speaking of no pattern, the varsity sweater for Little J is shaping up nicely, though with a few regrets. I sewed the first finished arm together to see if it might work. It gets a passing grade, so now I'm going to work on the back piece and sew one whole side together to try on the munchers. This is my quickie project compared to the shoulder bag, so I switch over to get a break and let my poor fingertips rest. I just hope he can wear it for more than a week!

Naturally Suckered

2006-05-07T18:35:00.000-07:00

Nearly everything about being a parent is great, and the things that aren't so wonderful have their benefits down the road. I can be philosophical about the parts of my life that have changed in ways I don't necessarily enjoy 100%. I can also see how the things I made decisions about - like no TV or sugar - before Little J was born were made out of total ignorance. There is one thing, rather a small matter, but it hasn't changed one iota since having a baby. I dread have a house and yard full of plastic, primary-colored toys. Because? They're gaudy, cheap looking, and a disposable symptom of a super-consumer society. Yech.

So when we got to Toys R Us to look at things for the bubba, and he gravitates toward outdoor things like slides, swings, sand boxes and playhouses, I inwardly cringe because I know eventually we'll have our own personal collection of this stuff and we'll never get our money's worth out of it. Step 2, while being one of the biggest offenders in the ultra-plastic department, seems to have gotten a clue and made outside toys for nutty people like me.

Intorducing the Naturally Playful line of kids toys. We fell for it hook line and sinker (but not pocket book) today. The little Storybook Cottage was what really reeled us in at the store. I think it appealed to the Fantasy geek in both hubbo and I. There was a little matching sandbox that looked like it was made out of stone, too.

If I was really going for a not-cheap-and-plastic look, I'd think about a way to get this. However, the thing I keep coming up against is how do I justify all this money for something that will only a get a few years' use before Little J outgrows it? I can't guarantee that there will be another addition to the family that isn't furry and four-legged, either. Thus we're back to the thing that is easier on the budget: petrol-based (though no longer just brightly colored!). The road to debating the merits of children's toys is circuitous route, at least for me.

Eventually, with the price of a barrel of oil finally driving the price of petrolium to a normal (if heart-stopping) rate in this our fair America, children's plastic toys may start rival the wooden models in price range. By then, it might be possible that we've devised some more effective ways of recycling plastic so the content of plastic toys will be more enviro-friendly as well. Buying plastic toys for my child will always be something that I am skeptical about, even if things shape up a bit more to my preferred lifestyle. And for the time being, we won't be making any major purchases until we're settled back in our own place out West. But it is fun to look.

RAT BASTARD!!!!!!

2006-05-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

Chris Eccleston, the esteemed ninth doctor, has just announced that he will be starring as #6 on a remake of a show from the 60's called The Prisoner.

FUCKING RAT BASTARD!!!!

He is, was and always will be my favorite doctor, but I'm really pissed that he's coming back to doing television after using the intensity of filming for a TV series as his excuse to leave Doctor Who. Yes, I'm being ridiculous on so many levels, but..but...

Oh, foo.

Procreative Chance

2006-05-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

Back in Seattle, I was friends with a married couple that had been together since they were like, twenty-one and nineteen or something crazy like that. The last few times I hung out with them before I left for the East Coast, the question of whether or not to have a baby was being bandied about rather heavily. I have since lost contact with them, so I don't know the outcome of their debate. I do remember quite clearly the husband's reason for waiting: he wasn't ready, i.e. he didn't feel grown-up enough. Can any of us ever be totally ready?

I do wonder at the element of chance that is involved for most people when it comes to having babies. For starters, there are those of us that comprise the "oops" crowd: Big J and I certainly didn't intend to be six months gone on our wedding day. Pretty much everyone I know who has children is also in this group. Then there are people who plan it, the people who put it off, the people who plan not to do it, and there might actually be a few people who don't bother to give it any thought at all. The problem is that you can start off in one of these groups (I have planned my whole life to have babies, but wasn't planning to have Little J when I did) and wind up someplace completely different. And it changes from one pregnancy to the next.

More specifically, I wonder at how all this possibility affects women. There are so many reasons now to put it off: career, education, spouse, lack of spouse, lack of maturity, lack of funds or health insurance or stability. Obviously, there are a lot of folks who don't take any of this into consideration, or aren't in the mindset at all when making the coital decisions that lead to the "oops". But because a baby can completely derail all our well-laid plans, shouldn't we be thinking about it and helping our daughters think about it from the moment we begin menses? I'm going down a more serious path than I meant to oringinally, but my interest remains. The universe seems such a fickle and flighty thing, so can any of us really "plan" to have children?

How about all of you? What are your stories? I'm really curious to hear what has motivated other people to make the choices they have, so feel free to go on. And what do you think of this whole element of "maybe" involved?

Moving Status, Update No. 2

2006-05-04T05:54:00.000-07:00

One of my biggest complaints about living in the South (yes, this is going to be THAT kind of post) is how sincerely unhelpfull people are. There is a lot of blustering about "don't worry, we'll take care of you", but it doesn't inspire confidence when that statement isn't accompanied by any details or a game plan. It doesn't matter to me what you say you'll do, because if you don't follow through then what you say is worthless.

For example, I have some very serious dental work that needs to be done, but we've run out of time here. The work will have to wait, but the dentist I was seeing offered to call in a prescription for antibiotics in case something went awry in the next few weeks. Last weekend, I sent Big J to pick up the scrips and the pharmacist had NO RECORD of anything for me. This morning, I called the dentist to find out what had happened, and they don't have any notes on the business past the last time I was in their office. They tell me they'll call it in today, but will they really?

Then I called the Uhaul place to find out what they had on hand for moving supplies and how to get there. The person who answered the phone couldn't give me directions and could barely locate the MAJOR HIGHWAY that I'd be coming in on. Yikes. At least he could tell me which boxes they had.

This last bit about not being able to give directions is the weirdest part, in my opinion. I've had delivery people calling me to drop things off at my house but they needed to get directions. DELIVERY PEOPLE. A.)Get a job you can actually do. B.)Get a FUCKING map!

In terms of how this affects our move, I'm just that much more ready to leave. Two weeks from today, I'll be finished with this place except for the occasional holiday visit. I can't wait to be HOME.

Stupid Television Tricks

2006-05-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Reader, let me preface this next bit with an acknowledgment of sorts: I don't like TV for its vacuous nature and addictive qualities. I have a problem tearing myself away from it, so we don't have cable or satellite. That said, there are a few shows we do watch, obtained through various means: Battlestar Galactica, Stargate SG-1, Desparate Housewives, Doctor Who, and Lost. I seldom feel compelled to talk about what we've watched outside of post-game wrap-up with hubbo, so don't expect regular TV posts on this blog. There will be times, as with everything, where I actually feel like discussing parts of episodes, though, so if you aren't a TV person, please bear with.

Watching the latest installment of Desparate Housewives last night, I began to wonder just who is being parodied in the bit about Bree's sex-addict lust object. Background: Bree offered to be her "boyfriend's" sponsor for S.A.A., or Sex Addicts Anonymous. Now, I'm no expert on sex addiction, but the scene where he calls Bree to come pick him up because he was "in trouble" just made me laugh. The "orgy" Bree comes to rescue him from is quite a joke, if you ask me. I've never been a participant, but after reading Carol Queen's Real Live Nude Girl, I think sex addiction might involve something more depraved than a few feathered masks and a topless host. That isn't to suggest that Queen's book is an encyclopedia depravica, but it has a few chapters dedicated to a realistic depiction of positive sexuality in a group scene. Granted, we're talking about prime time Sunday-night airing, so there wasn't going to be any greasy, sweaty, grinding and hollering depicted in the show either. I just wonder if the writers aren't actually trying to make Bree and her "boyfriend" look ridiculous, compared to oh say, the don't-take-my-baby scene at the end.

Book Meme

2006-05-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

I haven't done a meme in such a long time, and I keep seeing interesting book ones on A Work In Progress, so I thought I might give it a shot.

Review the following list of books. Boldface the books you've read, italicize those you might read, cross out the ones you won’t, put an asterisk beside the ones on your bookshelves, and place brackets around the ones you’ve never even heard of.

* The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
* The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
The Time Traveler’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
His Dark Materials (Philip Pullman)
* Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (J. K. Rowling)
* The Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story (George Orwell)
* Catch 22 (Joseph Heller)
* The Hobbit (J.R.R. Tolkien)
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (Mark Haddon)
Lord of the Flies (William Golding)
Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
* 1984 (George Orwell)
* Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (J. K. Rowling)
One Hundred Years of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
* Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
Slaughterhouse Five (Kurt Vonnegut)
The Secret History (Donna Tartt)
Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (C.S. Lewis)
Middlesex (Jeffrey Eugenides)
Cloud Atlas (David Mitchell)
* Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
* Atonement (Ian McEwan)
The Shadow of the Wind (Carlos Ruiz Zafon)
The Old Man and the Sea (Ernest Hemingway)
* The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath)
* Dune (Frank Herbert)
Sula (Toni Morrison)
Cold Mountain (Charles Frazier)
The Alchemist (Paulo Coehlo)
White Teeth (Zadie Smith)
* The House of Mirth (Edith Wharton)

Why in the world would I say I'd never read a book? EVERYTHING changes, that is my only constant. Also, it is interesting to me that these lists try to cover a generality of genres and canonization. But what do they really tell us?

My Day

2006-05-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

Knitting

I had a realization that I wanted to relay quickly before I talked about what I actually got done today, and I think it will mark a bit of relief for those of you who read but don't have any interest in yarn. I love talking about my projects, but if I post something every stinkin' time I finish a pair of booties or a crocheted baby blanket, then I'll be dedicating a lot of time to saying very little. None of us want that.

I never did get a good picture of those felted booties because they were a gift for my neighbor and I took them over when the opp presented itself. However, I have since knitted another pair in a smaller size - that pattern is fabulous and the making of them just whips by - and hope to get a photo this time. I've also moved onto the fifth (or sixth?) skein on the felted shoulder bag. I'm losing count, and the thing still isn't nearly long enough to put a bottom on. It is a very good thing the Brown Sheep Co. does a good match on their black dye lots. I've also restarted a sweater project that was plagueing me a while back. I have a cotton sweater for Little J that was totally wonderful all winter, but has since become too small. So I decided to reinvent the wheel - or pattern it out - instead of buying a new one. So far, the second attempt is looking much better. I'm working on the front left panel, and I've changed from Carolina blue in the ribbing to off white for the body with a cute little cable on the inside edge. I love these smaller projects for sense of accomplishment.

The House, or Packing

Big J's dad came over today to play with Little J while I tried to get some things taken care of. Since we've never attempted this arrangement before, and since I am not on the easiest of terms with Big J's parents, I was therefore a bit nervous. Everything turned out quite well: they played together inside and out, read books, and had a snack. All of three hours went by without Little J freaking out or melting down. Okay, that made my kid sound way higher strung than he is. However, his usual M.O. if I'm not focused on him 24/7 is to fly off the handle at some point out of sheer frustration. At the end of the day I still had energy (holy cow!) AND I worked had fewer dirty dishes and several more packed boxes. Now I'm left wondering why we didn't attempt this before!

Blogging

I'm deleting a post, so in answer to Lorna's question: try this website for the Marble yarn. It's a company based out of the UK, but at least you'll get the look of it and can find it locally. I've used the Moss, and have several skeins of Berries in my stash. Good stuff for being petrol based.

Dorian, sorry for deleting your comment and link.

I have been trying to get time in to read the blogs I've got running into my RSS feed, but I find myself scanning and not having the patience to comment most of the time. Too many priorities to juggle, I'm afraid. So I'm a lurker for the mo' unless I feeling totally compelled to say something. I suppose that should be the way it is anyway, right?

As for keeping up appearances - I want to but can't seem to find the time to tweak. And I think just getting a post a day is a good enough goal for right now.

The Kid

Little J is earning the moniker "Terry Dactyl". BF's mom coined it about Little G, my nephew, who adopted the high-pitched shriek around twelve months when he wanted but wasn't getting. The face and body language that accompanies the shriek for LJ makes me shake with laughter - but that probably isn't good parenting, is it. It must all be part of the new language acquisition phase we're going through because in the last week LJ has added the sign for "please" to his bag of tricks, as well as a couple of attempts at the sign for "help", and "teetee" for kitty. This evening he even sounded like he was repeating "door" as he opened and shut the back door. I love watching him pick things up on a daily basis! His little sponge brain really knocks me over.

I also have a couple funny asides if you've got the time:

1. I accidentally bought a dried veggie mix that was spicy and fed it to him without realizing. Instead of wigging, he likes it and stands at the pantry door asking for it. Today, he ate it until he was gagging and pulling on his tongue but wouldn't relinquish the snack trap.

2. We've been working on saying "please" both as a word and a sign, and twice now when I've asked him to say it and showed him how to sign it at the same time, he's gone to the refrigerator and asked for cheese. (He also uses the sign for more in some random ways, so maybe I'm doing something wrong.)

Quicky Apologize w/A Bit'o 'Splaination

2006-05-01T11:17:00.000-07:00

I wanted to say sorry to Dave for being so harsh at the end of that last post. Dave, you can give me grief any time. I've been worrying about it since I wrote the words. By way of expalaining myself, I want to talk about my relationship with my dad. Oh yeah, another sob story about how "my dad didn't love me enough, blah, blah blah". Actually, not the case.

My father is a bit of a critic, and not the constructive kind. I cannot remember him praising me for anything, ever. I definitely worked hard in the hopes that I might do well enough to make him like me, but nothing seemed to break that barrier. I have called him on it since growing up, and he says he just didn't want us kids to get to attached to what other people thought of us. I don't know exactly what bullshit gave him that idea, though I could manage a rough guess, but I'm here to testify that it worked to exactly the opposite effect on me. I have taken much of what happened in my own childhood and made some rough estimates of my own about what I DO NOT EVER want to happen in my own child-rearing experience. However, my interaction with my father has left me with a heavy-duty critical side as well (as my poor-hen-pecked hubbo can relate) as well as a GIGANTIMOUS sensitivity to anything resembling disapproval or criticism from others (esp. men). And wacky hijinx ensue.

There you have it, Dave. I think I might have 'splained this one to you before in my previous blogger incarnation. Sorry again for being rude.

Project Files: One More Blanket

2006-04-29T19:36:00.000-07:00

I've been putting off posting about my knit/crochet projects with the thought that I'd finish the booties totally so I could post a pictures. Alas, I haven't stitched up the last bootie, so they aren't felted, which means no pictures. But since I have finished a couple things and am working feverishly on others, I thought I should do a quick update and edit the pictures into the post later.

There is this great acrylic (yes, plastic, I know) two-ply yarn at the "corp" craft store I frequent called Marble, and it comes in lovely combinations of a solid strand and a varigated strand of complementing colors. I bought one that reminded me of a garden - mossy green solid with rose, muted sienna and black varigation - for the second baby blanket for my new niece. Three skeins and one crochet hook later, I have what has turned out to be my favorite project yet. The fabric folds and lays nicely without stretching under its own weight or bagging out. I haven't washed it yet, so I'm not sure if it will pill (the first blanket did, ick). I used a double crochet all the way through, so the thing grew like mad once I got the knack. And hooray, no curly edges thanks to no knit. In fact, I liked the way this one turned out so much that I bought three more skeins in a beautiful maroon/magenta/teal combo for another friend who is due to have her baby in October.

As for the felted baby booties, I took it easy and bought Paton's 100% wool because it made an inexpensive way to test the pattern I bought in Washington over our last Christmas visit. Turns out the pattern is wonderful and easy to follow, and since the whole thing is maybe 31 rows, it turned out to be a quick knit. This project made me feel like knitting again. After I sewed up the first bootie, I was quite please to find that the shape worked out, thereby negating my fear that I couldn't read a pattern properly and that I might never get the hang of shaping. I might just try socks someday!

The felted shoulder bag is going to be quite a monster. I didn't plan this one well at all. I have figured out what I'm going to do to close off the bottom. However, I may never make it that far. I'm on my fourth skein and it still isn't nearly long enough. Skein five was going to be more body and six was going for the bottom and strap, but I may adjust that up a skein or two so the bag is nice and deep. We'll see how much patience I have left after skein five.

I keep thinking my stash needs to get whittled down before we move, but now I know I'm talking crazy. My stash continues to grow even as I finish off my latest work. Currently, I have yarn for my best friend's felted hat, Little J's mimi (which I've also been working on), a cotton sweater for Little J or my nephew, the blanket for my friend M, an extra skein for more booties, three balls for lime green varigated hotpads (for me?), as well as sundry other balls and skeins without designated projects. In my head, I keep thinking I'll also get around to making a couple things to donate and start working on things like socks and scarves for the next holiday season. I guess this means I should give up on getting things under control, 'eh? And just today I bought my first book of patterns during our weekly soujourn at BN. Yes - give it up, it's for the best.

I can say one really wonderful thing - I actually feel like knitting because now I have somewhere to talk about it. (Dave, that means I don't want any shit about refrigerators, law mowers, or other such. I know you could give a crap, but hey, this is MY blog.)

Vo-cab-a-larry

2006-04-27T06:36:00.000-07:00

(Okay, the post title looks a little silly, but it's a reference to Chris Tucker's character in The Fifth Element)

A post by Rachel over at Milkbreath and Me makes me (laugh my ass off) want to share: Jack has finally started accruing a vocabulary. (yay! whoopee! sweet!) So far, he only regularly uses Na Na (mom) and Da Da. But occasionally:

Chee - Cheese
Joo - Juice
Dah - Dog
Shoo - Shoes

Thanks to Big J, he also says "Doh" just like Homer Simpson. You have no idea how frustrating this is for me on several levels. I mean, he's only just now acquiring speech, and my sweetie is already teaching him things that make me worry that he won't be scarred for life by poor English skills. I know, I'm making a bigger stink than is warranted.

Oh, yeah, and you know that show, Vicar of Dibley, with Dawn French? You know the character that dithers? No, no, no, no, no, no...yes. Well, we've taught him that as well. Parents are evil.

Moving Status, Update No. 1

2006-04-26T11:03:00.000-07:00

It has recently come to my attention that we're going to be moving in a few very short weeks. Like about two and a half, to be precise. That means I have only about two more minutes to freak about before I have to start cramming things into boxes so there will be something to pack the truck with. I have considered very seriously taking it all to the dump (minus hubbo's comic collection and the kid's toys) and then starting fresh once we get there so we won't have to go through the pain of packing and unpacking (and hauling it across country, stuffing things into a miniature storage space, then pulling it all out again once we've gotten to Pote-land and found an apartment). As you may have guessed, I don't much like packing.

The only problem is that the kid doesn't sleep through ANYTHING, and also doesn't like it when I start taping up boxes and putting our things into them. So this should be a really pleasant and enjoyable couple weeks. NOT.

Project Files: 1st Mimi and The Baby Blanket From Hell

2006-04-24T14:24:00.000-07:00

Finally having worked all the ends in and run the sucker through the wash so as not to transmit any scary microbes to my sister's newborn babe, I can say that I am glad it's over. I may think twice before every knitting another baby blanket. Crochet is definitely the way to go when I have a limited amount of time to finish the project. I learned a fair bit making this blanket, like how to determine my gauge and then calculate how much yarn I would need and also that there is no simple solution to curly edges. If I ever do decide to lose my mind again and knit another blanket, I think I will choose to follow a pattern.

I am much more pleased with my first mimi. Okay, what's a mimi, to those uninitiated with kidspeak? A personal comfort device, mostly, and quite frequently they're blankets of one sort or another. I made this one for my best friend's kid with the intent that he could also use it as a cape. Thus the hooded corner. I chose to make a hood on the corner as opposed to on one of the ends so that the blanket would still fold flat and match up at for corners. It's probably a neatness-control-freak-o.c.d. glitch that made me do it - I hate folding things that don't match up neatly. Anyway, I haven't given it to him yet, so I don't know what he'll think. As for what I learned, the hood was the biggest issue. I gauged my yarn and hook needs quite well without having to restart, but I didn't have a plan for the hood and it shows. Easily remedied with a quick jaunt through the pages of The Happy Hooker, I'm sure.

Now that I have one blanket to send my sister, I'm going to postpone finishing the marbled one in favor of a couple projects I need to finish before I leave. I promised my neighbor a pair of felted booties for her new son (now nearly three months old) before the little tyke was born. The summers are hellish here, so I'm making them big. Started them this afternoon, actually, and so far, so good. I'd acutally like to spend a little time on my felted shoulder bag, as it's supposed to match a hat I made last winter. I really love felting, but as usual I chose to go it alone (no pattern) on the bag, so we'll see if it turns out. I haven't gotten a thorough picture in my head of what I'm going to do when it comes time to finish off the bottom and make a strap. I'm thinking I need to read up a little more on felting to see what my options are.

Meanwhile, if you'd like to read a more experienced and much funnier view of knitting than my own, I really recommend popping over to The Panopticon.

Cheers!

I Want to Think It's 'The Good Fight'

2006-04-24T09:42:00.000-07:00

Every day, I struggle to maintain a balance between keeping the house clean and playing with the baby. I must've fallen prey to the misconception that being a stay-at-homer means keeping the house spic and span while also being able to cook meals from scratch and raise happy and well-adjusted children. Actually, I'm probably totally to blame for my own high expectations because I've always been a champ at juggling several full-time and high stress occupations at once. Suddenly, though, I feel a lot less capable. And I can't make up my mind about letting the house suffer or pushing the kid to let me get more things done. I know, I know, everyone with kids would remind me that he's only going to be little once and to savor every moment. But to those same parents I would pose this question - are you someone who gets bored being an at-home parent? There are some people who get all kinds of energy out of interacting with others, but I am not one of them, and therefore the daily repetition gets really deadly boring for both of us.

(I am thankful for TV in those moments of utter frustration.)

By all accounts, I love my child. I am finding that loving him means letting my expectations get lower and lower as his need of my energy and attentiveness gets higher and higher. While certain things have gotten easier - I can hook him up with a snack and he'll play happily while I wash dishes - other things have gotten infinitely harder, like taking a shower. These days, I'm lucky if I get to rinse off once a day. A book I read about toddler activities called dinner time "arsenic hour", and my experience definitely relates on that end of the spectrum. I love my child with all my being, and yet I cannot imagine adding a third human being to this crazy mix.

I keep wondering if this will get easier. According to Dr. Sears, things should lighten up a bit around 18 months, and I am quietly hoping this is true for us. I also wonder what I can reasonably expect from my husband after 9 hours at the office and 2 hours commuting. Will things get better when we move, or are we chasing our tails on this issue? I am really looking forward to having a third adult around to help keep Little J occupado, and after that I hope we have a very small apartment and NO STAIRS so that taking the folded laundry to be put away doesn't necessitate an act of god.

As we speak, my house looks like crap. There is food on the floor, as mobile and independent eating is the only way to get food down these days. Toys - EVERYWHERE. The table is a repository of all things not child appropriate. At least the laundry and the kitchen aren't totally out of hand. As always, I hope that tonight will be the night that Little and Big J have a rolicking good time without me so that I can have a moment's peace and possibly a long bath. I can say one really good thing: at least fifteen months of being an at-home-mom hasn't deprived me of my ability to hope.

Thinking Green at the Bookstore

2006-04-23T17:14:00.000-07:00

In honor of E-arth Day...well not really, but I was paying enough attention to notice it was...okay back to the point...we went to the dreaded Barnes and Noble this weekend (oh how I will be happy to be home where bookstores are often independent and stock used AND new) and even though I hadn't intended to buy a single thing, I immediately found a fab little compendium about...wait for it...different E-arth friendly building techniques called Building Green. What the heck would I do with a book like that? Well, hopefully, research. And it goes with my current streak of book buying, which started a few weeks ago with It's Easy Being Green.

The real reason we went to the bookstore was to add to Little J's book collection, as I've gotten dreadfully bored with rereading the ones he has (over and over and over, six times a day every day). We bought something I hadn't seen before called Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge. It is all about a little boy who is friends with an old woman who has lost her memory and how he helps her remember bits of things. The second book we bought is a favorite from my childhood (and a little scarier than I remember): Blueberries For Sal. I always thought Sal should be a little boy when I was small, and I find that my mind has reserved that mistaken impression still. Needless to say, Little J is totally taken in by his new additions, even though they are heavy on the words.

Little Leopard Boy

2006-04-23T16:48:00.000-07:00

In the world of spots, my kid has hollowed out his own little niche as the munchkin with the most rashes. Okay, gross. But if you really think about it, most things fit for print on an about-my-kid blog are pretty disgusting. Onward, then.

When he was born, he had every form of baby acne known to medical science, and probably a few they don't even have names for yet. I was worried, and then my mom showed up after the birth and in a very off-hand way said I looked exactly the same. Then, two weeks after his birth, Little J breaks out with more (though typical) baby acne. Of course, he had to have cradle cap to complement is ruddy cheeks. At four and a half months, I got desparate for a break from 45-minute feedings, so I tried solid foods. Whoops, allergic reaction indicated by a rash. His skin doesn't like the baby soap I started out using - raised bumps on his abdomen. His skin also doesn't like whatever they put in our water in the winter - allover bumps that feel like sandpaper. It seems to me that from the day this one was born, he's been covered in something red, spotty, and a often oozing. Don't get me started on yeast infections and general irritation in his diaper area.

So last week, he got a mysterious fever for two days that made him generally grumpy and over tired. Yesterday, things seem to be mostly back to normal. This morning, however, he woke up covered in a pinkish-red rash starting on his neck and working its way out. After doing some reading and talking to a nurse, it is possible he has Chicken Pox. But we won't know for several days, and only when the bumps have turned to blisters, popped and started to crust over. Yum-O.

For the most part, I do not lament or get very worked up over his skin issues. The allergy thing has been a great indicator - I know really quickly what not to feed the little guy. The water, well, I feel like there isn't a whole lot I can do. The kid is lucky to have my skin in a lot of ways: I had very little acne as a teen, I tan very well but don't burn much (and since he's blond, hooray for that), and my skin hasn't aged very quickly at all. But I will lament his getting the Chicken Pox now because I have three weeks to get the majority of our packing done, and Mr. Spots will kill a whole week with Aveeno baths if the diagnosis turns up positive.

I must remind myself that all of this goes with the parenting territory. Ultimately, I'll be glad if he has a good case of Pox now because, A) he won't be getting the vaccine unless he doesn't get them in his first ten years, and B) he won't have a terrible case and a lot of scarring if this is the dreaded Chicken Pox. No vaccine, you say? Are you insane? Well, yes, but that isn't the point. However, the vaccine issue is a whole other post.

How I Will Miss Her

2006-04-19T19:09:00.000-07:00

Today was our first dental appointment. To be clear, it was Little J's first dental visit, but of course I felt totally on the hook for the whole thing - what if there were cavities, what if I wasn't doing a good job brushing, what if Little J totally freaked out and puked all over himself while the doc looked at his choppers. Hey, I'm a high-stress sorta person, I like to cover ALL the bases. So here's how the day actually went:

6 am - wake up and get ready. 6:30 - wake up both the kids (a. the teenager who likes to sleep until noon normally and b. the cranky baby who didn't go to sleep until 11pm the night before) and get them ready and loaded into the car. Take Big J to work, go get breakfast and groceries at Whole Foods. Little J napped from dropping off Daddy until I was almost finished with my breakfast - thank you sweet Jesus. 10:30 - go to craft store, get yarn, let kidlet run around and pull things off shelves. At one point, Little J picked up a fifty dollar train set and carried it over with that "hey, this should be mine" look. Yikes. Can we say dis-TRAC-tion, anyone? Then, it's off to the playground to eat some lunch and run amok. Yeehaw. Then, the dentist. Pleasant waiting room, easy to find, nice people. Five minutes with the sweetest and gentlest hygenist IN THE WORLD (who totally got Jack warmed up and interested in the fish tank so that he totally didn't mind her picking him up), then another five minutes with the dentist to take a look. By 2pm we're back home, and having fallen asleep in the carseat, the kid is napping away in our room.

So, does that dental visit sound totally anticlimactic, or what? It cost half of what I expected, and the doc said he was totally not worried about the little bit of yellow buildup on the front top teeth. The most bizaare part of the whole thing was when Jack was stressing out so I asked if the doc would mind me nursing in front of him. He looked like a deer in headlights, poor thing. And it isn't like he got to see boob, for crap's sake. We didn't even do a cleaning because the little guy is too little. Easy, squeezy.

Throughout this whole thing, my step-daughter, Miss Mere, was patient and easy going with Little J. The baby loves her to bits. I feel like I couldn't have had a better time of things, and I feel like it is all due to her. This is the stuff that makes me think twice about moving. She's still underage, so in a way she really needs us. And after we move, we won't have the moola to fly her out (not to mention we won't have a place of our own!) for her entire summer break, which means the first opp to see her will be Xmas, whether East or West coast. That just doesn't seem right, somehow.

The Long Goodbye

2006-04-18T07:17:00.000-07:00

As my husband's only blog post in recent memory reminded me, today marks the beginning of the one-month countdown to our move outta here and back home. "WHERE is outta here?", you ask. Well, H-E-Double Hockey Sticks, is how I might choose to remember it, but geographically speaking, it's called North Carolina. Just over a year ago, I wrote this about our little home:

7 April 7, 2005

The Dogwood

There’s a dogwood blooming outside my dining room, beyond the back yard fence. It looks like a dogwood sprig, really, because the branches go all in one direction and the blooms are clustered in a cascade that is reminiscent of a wedding arrangement. It’s overcast today, and very little else has greened up yet this spring, so the dogwood flowers look almost blazing greenish-white against a grayish-brown backdrop of foliage-free trunks and branches.

This tree catches my eye every time I step up to the sink or walk by the dining room windows. It reminds me that before my move to North Carolina, I had no idea what a dogwood looked like. Now that I’m familiar, I can think back to some trees around Padelford, the building that houses my department on the University of Washington campus, that were dogwoods. At the time they struck me as plain and barren looking. Here, however, I’ve come to see their blooms as the promise of spring, and their unique shapes as an interesting variation on the generalized shape of a deciduous tree. These beautiful trees blooms’ have a range of colors from dark pink to green-white, which are recognizable from quite a distance because of their distinct shape and growth pattern. For this reason, these trees seem very prevalent, appearing in virtually every front or back yard, as well as in the “wild”.

We’ve been contemplating making this our last spring in the Raleigh area and moving back to the Northwest, preferentially Portland. For me that makes a grand total of two springs. Though this hasn’t been the most intellectually inspiring place to live, there are some things I will take away from our time here with gratitude. The obvious ones – my husband and son – will always take first place. But the more subtle things, like lessons about tolerance, the existence of racism and sexism in the south, and neighborliness unlike anything I’ve previously experienced will also stick with me long after I leave. But the thing I think I’ve learned here was best stated by someone who has lived in Washington State her whole 50-some-odd year life. When your social environment changes, there are bound to be unconscious traditions and expectations familiar to those around you to the point that they frown unknowingly when questioned about said traditions. But for the outsider, these things are glaringly obvious because of their lack familiarity. They are what make you “different” and everyone else seem “xenophobic”.

The dogwood in my back yard is a quiet reminder to me that there are things I’ve seen and learned here that I couldn’t have anywhere else. I’m not sure, but I would be willing to risk the statement that most natives probably don’t notice this little tree as much as I, because their eyes have been falling on it since the beginnings of their lives. But for me, its as foreign as a cicada in Seattle. Not matter where I go, whenever I see a dogwood I will think of my time here and wonder if I couldn’t’ have done a little more to acclimate or assimilate, and I’ll wonder if I didn’t miss out on something because it took me so long to realize that what I see as “normal” would make any southern native just as uncomfortable visiting where I’m from as I’ve been here. I will never regret my desire to leave, but I will miss the beauty of the spring.

* * *

Since writing that, we've been trying our hardest to get home. We've been searching for jobs that would take us to Portland, but in the end we found it would be better just to get back to the West Coast, which means we'll be living in Seattle with my mother when we get back. Despite all our best efforts and intentions, NC has just never become home.

I could go on at length about Big J's job, our lack of friends, the distance we have to travel in order to do the simplest things like grocery shop or get a cuppa, but all that would be code for the fact that this place just doesn't suit us. Much like the dogwood blooms standing out against greening foliage, we stick out like sore thumbs. That isn't to say that we haven't met people like us, with similar mindsets and lifestyle choices. There have been the odd few. However, there is something deeper, a sense of belonging and familiarity that goes beyond just fitting in. Home, I think you might call it.

When we get back, and the ocean is finally back in its proper spot and the mountains greet us from beneath the clouds, we'll start looking anew for opportunities in Portland. Ultimately, we'd like to get a small apartment clost to Big J's employment, and I might actually think about working a little. I've learned by now that life is what happens while you're busy making plans. Okay, that's really friggin' cliche, but it is also cliche because it is true. I hope that I'll be able to finish my undergrad English degree before we get around to having another baby. Then, from there, we're really hoping to open a comic book and coffee shop. For now, though, I'm happy with the fact that we're getting out of here and back there.

Welcome, Little One

2006-04-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

My sister had a tax-day baby this weekend. I can't get the idea of this brand new life out of my head. The whole thing was so different for my sister than it was for me, and yet the commonality of the our experiences has brought us together. Both of us gained a lot of weight - we ended up over 200 lbs. However, Little J was 10 lbs, whereas Little A is 7 lbs 11 oz. I wound up having a C-section, and Sis didn't (thank you God, or whomever might be held responsible for this). Sis got really lucky - only twenty minutes of pushing. They checked out from hospital yesterday afternoon, less than 24 hours after the birth. From the sound of things, Mom, Dad and new baby girl had a pretty typical first night home - very little sleep, lots of confusion, and lots of second-guessing by Mom and Dad. I tried to be of comfort over the phone, but right about now the 3000 mile separation is wearing desperately thin. I worry that my sister will wig out, or not be able to handle things, which is my impression of her. However, my gut says this will be her opportunity to shine, to do the best she can just like I did and just like we all do, and that she will probably grow up quite a bit in the next month. When I get there, I'm sure things will be all sorted and I will have worried for naught.

Isn't it truly amazing how self-centered I can be about someone else's joyous event?

All this contemplation of what things must be like right now for the new parents has caused me to think back over what it was like for Big J and I that first month. Little J has never, ever been one to sleep peacefully. Then the colic hit. He kept us hopping, that's for sure. He still does, but not in the same ways. My best friend is right - parenting is the hardest job I'll ever do, and only another parent could possibly comprehend and empathize.

So, congratulations love, I'm sure your gorgeous baby is in the best of hands. I can't wait to meet her. Enjoy all those awestruck stares and firsts. The whole infancy thing passes like a flash - the next thing you know she'll be walking, talking and running the show. I love you and see you soon.

Happy Easter!

2006-04-17T06:50:00.000-07:00

What a weekend! Had the kid's picture taken Saturday, and he just didn't want to smile. Have I mentioned that Walmart just doesn't do it for me? Sunday was a blast and totally busy - hunted eggs at home and with the grandparents. Much loot. I am running out of ways to organize and store all LittleJ's toys. I'm thinking we need to pack most of them up and donate them anyway. Does one really save things for the second child? And Miss Mere, my stepdaughter, has been here since Friday. Poor thing got poison ivy - on her face! Yipes. Sorry for the stream-of-consciousness post, I just woke up.

"A Cook's Tour" by Anthony Bourdain

2006-04-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

I've just managed to finish another book. Now, if you're a reader from Jeepers Creepers, you know I lamented how much I couldn't read while LittleJ was, well, little. That hasn't improved at all. In fact, I'm really looking forward to the days when he'll be big enough to run amok on the playground while I get some good time on a bench with a book. I assume this means we'll be frequenting playgrounds that aren't crazy busy. Whoa, back to the book at hand, woman.

My latest reading habits have really run to non-fiction, with a heavy streak in the cooking section. I read cookbooks, yes, but I mean things like "Tender at the Bone". I guess I spend so much of my time cooking that I'm curious to hear how it has been in other people's lives. At any rate, Anthony Bourdain's travel essays about eating in all manner of interesting places was something I'd picked up months ago at the height of my obsession.

Recently, my interesting in all things foodie has cooled quite a bit. Anyone with children knows that you only have a certain amount of time and energy to expend on things that aren't absolutely necessary. I've found that I can do about two things for myself at a time - read a book and work on a craft project. Or blog and read my RSS feeds. If I try to do all four of those things at once, like I have been recently, all four of them get very little attention. So, finishing a book was a big accomplishment. Bigger, almost, than getting the kitchen totally clean.

Bourdain has a fixation, shall we say, on all things cretin. Describing the morning after some bad tete au veau requires the use of the metaphor "getting head". The carnal and the culinary are constant bedfellows in "Tour". Not that I'm prude. No, no, definitely not that. However, the sexual referents tended to distract from the actual experiences being recorded. Bourdain has balls, though, to eat and travel in places I would never have. Vietnam, Cambodia, the underbelly of Russia, Morrocco, etc etc. That isn't saying much - I'm a spineless wimp when it comes to travel. This book may be the only time I get to really "experience" any of those places.

I'm going to attempt to get back "on the book". I'm working on a book about Shakespeare's life, maybe I'll make real progress in that. Expect my blog to suffer if I really get engrossed.

Knit or Crochet?

2006-04-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

FINALLY, I've finished knitting the first baby blanket I planned to make for my sister's new bambino. As she went into labor this morning, I'd say that's pretty darned good timing. I tried to take a pic of it, but as you can see I'm not very skilled with the digital yet. The thing about this blanket is that I totally hate it. It stretches out funny, the border flips over no matter what I do, and it is totally huge. I feel like I wasted six weeks of effort.

On the other hand, crochet seems to be re-entering my life in a serious way. I'd thought to try crocheting the second baby blanket, seem here in its beginning stages. Low and behold, I got a package from Amazon this week that I DIDN'T ORDER. Turns out my MamaK (Best Friend's Mom) took it upon herself to send me a few things off my wish list, which included Debbie Stoller's "Happy Hooker". Ms. Stoller was JUST IN TOWN! I missed the signing, of course, because LittleJ and I were busy recovering from the double-ender. But, BUT, so I called to say thank you for the books, and we got to chatting about my projects. MamaK told me that crocheting a blanket always goes faster than knitting - so I jumped right on the second blanket before weaving in the ends of the first. I've already made it through the first skein, though as usual I'm losing stitches and I'm not sure how. I've resolved myself to the fact that it won't be perfect. But I don't have that "this is going to take the rest of my life" feeling, either. Whoopee!

Little J on the Loose!

2006-04-12T13:09:00.000-07:00

We learned about building forts today. Little man cackled with laughter and ran around and around and under and through the thing. We built this sort of thing all the time when I was little, but I'd forgotten the joy of having your own little fortress of solitude. I tried to take a couple pictures to commemorate the event, but (as I can't seem to spell anymore either) the camera wouldn't cooperate in the way I wanted and the pictures turned out crap. I chose to post this one because of the look of pure joy on the kid's face. Ain't I lucky!

Bringing the Assembly Line to Education

2006-04-12T12:02:00.000-07:00

I feel no ambivalence about the Bush administration's attitude towards educating people. The cocksucker needs to get smacked around a bit and stop appointing assholes to make decisions about funding and oversight for America's schools. Now, it seems, the shit is going to hit the fan for Universities as well.

This article in The New York Times give a small sampling of the most recent Bush Education Debacle (or BED, as they may be known in the future). If you go on to the link for the Dept. of Education provided in the article, you will find a list of reports written by folks on the commission, including one called "Setting the Context":

"graduates who contribute positively to economic development through increased private and public revenues, greater productivity, increased consumption, more workforce flexibility, and decreased reliance on government financial support; services that fill economic and social demands in agriculture, commerce, health care, energy, defense, human development, natural resources, and other subject areas vital to our society; and research that contributes to the growing fund of knowledge, fires the engines of innovation, and advances the future of the nation."

My interpretation of this excerpt is that Humanities departments like History, English, Art, and Music, will see an even sharper decrease in support and funding in the future. I also see a lot of emphasis on molding graduates for usefulness by big business. What once was a last bastion of hope for a true liberal arts education will become yet another finger puppet (with all the fist-in-ass imagery that brings up) for global corporations. Hello, sheeple. Good-bye, independent thought.

Time to Think

2006-04-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

It takes me around six months to absorb most information properly, or acclimate to a new idea. I found this out while I was back at university for, like, the millionth time. I would take a class, work my butt off and get a good mark, but the term would end I still felt like I didn't have a proper grasp of the material. This was especially true of theory-heavy classes, or the classes I took on Shakespeare and Joyce. But I found that about six months or so after taking these classes, things would start to come back to me, things would start to click.

I'm finding that this might actually be true of most of my heavy learning curves. Childrearing is definitely one of those. I always feel behind in the game, scrambling to keep a handle on what my child might want to do for entertainment, eat, or make mischief with. I can look back on what happened several months ago and wonder at my own ignorance while simultaneously wishing things were more like those previous times. I don't wish my child to stay young forever - I'm not nuts and I do want to have a life someday - but sometimes I wish he wouldn't grow up quite so darn fast. I have found that reading about others' experience provides some small solace, so whenever I feel really at my limit I sit down with one of my Dr. Sears books. It sounds really silly, but so far they're the only folks that have the wisdom to put things in a non-judgmental way. Like everything other situation in my life, my family is of no use. And don't get me started on the in-laws.

Strangely, I feel the same curve of adjustment seems to have happened with blogging. I stopped blogging about six months ago because I got sick of circling aimlessly in my husband's blogging community. I have nothing against any of them personally, with the exception of the idiot master So'Con and his pathetic wife, but they just weren't the kind of reading I wanted to do. Taking that time to get clear has helped me get that there needs to be a purpose to a blog - not "just cuz" - or the posts are pointless and rambly. I think I will also feel better building my OWN community and readership, rather than inheriting someone else's.

With that, I'd like to welcome myself back. Say good fucking riddance to So'Con, the brainless wonder. And welcome back Dave and Joe as readers. It's worth coming back to. As for parenting, we'll see if I survive.

Nothing Like a Good Adrenaline Rush

2006-03-30T03:43:00.000-08:00

So the kid and I are co-sleeping, which means I get woken up anywhere from two to eight times a night to nurse. Normally, that is fine by me - better than having to trek into a different room to see what he needs every time he squeaks. However, the not-so-friendly part of co-sleeping happens when I'm in a dead sleep and instead of gently rousing, Little J wakes up bawling. I am immediately jolted in a caffeine-like high by the adrenaline thudding through my veins that any computer maniac would envy. We are, of course, still getting over a stomach bug, but after last night's last puking session around 11pm, Little J passed right on out and slept straight through (can you believe five hours is considered sleeping through the night! Outrageous) until about 5am, when the aforementioned event took place.

Which means that I've been awake for almost two hours now and I'm due to crash any second. Wait for it, wait for it...

Double-Ender

2006-03-29T20:54:00.000-08:00

Tending sick wee-uns definitely takes the wind out my sails. I feel so helplessly awful while Little J sits there heaving his little heart out and crying. Just a bit ago, the stuff came out his nose, poor dear. And just this afternoon he was eating a bit of something solid, so I thought we had this bug licked. Anyway, I think we're almost finished with it, so hopefully I don't get sick as well.

As a side note to the ickle sickie, or really as a side note to having been through pregnancy and a semblance of birth, the list of which body parts don't go snap-crackly-pop when I get out of bed is the smaller of the two. I think it must sound to an outside observer, of which there aren't really any, very much like a box of uncooked pasta being crushed underfoot. Too bad my bloody chiro lives 3000 effing miles away.

Really Into My Food

2006-03-27T20:10:00.000-08:00

Whoa, was I spacing out? Sorry.

Had a Rough Weekend

2006-03-27T19:57:00.000-08:00

I've resolved that I will not be posting on weekends, as it is the only quality time I get with my sweetie as well as being the only time I'll get a chance to go off on my own without the kid for an hour or two. I'm sure I'll break my own rule here and there - I'm a tried and true hypcrite, so it's to be expected. But for the most part, I'll just have to update you all on Mondays as to the weekend's events. In that vein...

Big J's job is a real weiner, I mean winner. The boss has the emotional maturity of a three-year-old and communications skills that rival Dub-ya's. Like Dub-ya, he's smarter than he acts, but cannot be persuaded to take his leadership responsibilities seriously. To wit, the preceding weekend happened to required all the IT folks for a server switch. Mr. Craptastic, in an unusual spate of planning ahead, had it all worked out so the department would only have to be in on Saturday for about twelve hours. Need I bother to mention that Mr. Craptastic's plans went all to S-H-I-T?

The long and short is that Big J didn't arrive home until 3:45 am Sunday, and Mr. Craptastic, in a fabulous state of management muckery, left at 7:00 pm the previous evening. If there was any goodwill left for Mr. Craptastic before last weekend, it's all gone now. I'm even tempted to write him a letter to let him know exactly what I think of his superior fuck-up-edness. Of course, I'm chicken enough to wait until after Big J has given notice and finished his time there.

Now you see the reason for the red lettering.

In somewhat lighter news, I think I've reasoned out what I'd like to name our second child if it were a boy. Ashe-Leigh, and we could call him Ashe. I figure if we spell it a little differently, then he wouldn't get as much flack for having "a girl's name". Not that I want that to be the decision-maker about how I name my children, but eventually, some nitwit will bring it up. Oh yeah, and if we have a girl, we've already decided on Zoe Violet. Little J has two middle names, so we might have to add a little something after the Violet. But we can cross that bridge when the IUD comes out.

Now you see the other reason for me not bothering to post on weekends. They're bloody uneventful - errands, and resting mostly. Can't wait to be back in the NW where there are actual things to do (outside, culturally, kid-friendly, etc. etc.). So if I do bother to rev up the ole laptop, it will be for a darn good story. We can only hope.

F.O.B.

2006-03-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

Although I don't think I've clarified this particular tidbit of information, I came back to blogging in large part because of the other cool knitters I found blogging about their trials, tribulations and creations. (I see now that I'd assumed I was cool and a mildly capable knitter. I was W-R-O-N-G.) I was prepared to chime in with my two knitting cents, to talk about my projects, and to participate in the larger knitting world. And since I haven't posted yet about my knitting, I figured it was high time.

I promise in the future to include a photo or two of my projects. For the moment, it's late and I'm feeling lazy.

What brings me to the conclusion that I'm not much of a knitter yet is the snag in one of my current projects. I'm making a fairly simple blanket for my sister who is due to give birth to my niece-to-be in a couple weeks. I have a problem bothering to find patterns, so I made one up. Actually, I repeated the blanket I made for my son. That should've been my first clue - the blanket for Little J turned out to be total shite. Well, I thought, I've learned a lot since then. I shouldn't have the same problems. Now, I'm not such a novice that I drop stitches all the time or anything like that. No, I just can't seem to get my head around why in the world the darn stuff wants to curl when I make a nice, smooth knitted side and a purl side. So I used a seed-stitch border. Which curls anyway. Actually, the whole piece doesn't curl. The border does this little fold one way on one edge, and the other way on the other edge. Infuriating, yes. Aesthetically pleasing, not so much.

Looking at a piece made by MomK, I notice she used a garter stitch to keep a sweater from doing that annoying little flip. It doesn't look much diff from my seed stitch, and it would be way easier. So, mid-piece, I've switch to garter around the edges. It seems to be working. Since it's for my sister, I know she'll understand. I just hope she doesn't also notice how odd the shape is - super long and a bit narrow.

Okay, so lesson learned, right? Use a friggin' pattern. At least I bothered to check my gauge this time.

Sweet and Cute

2006-03-24T13:50:00.000-08:00

We aren't up to a darn thing. We have not a single clue what it is you think we're getting up to over here, plotting away on the stairs. We're just two really cute little guys who like to hang out quietly and talk. No, really.

(Just wanted to introduce you all to the two guys who stole my heart right out from under my nose a while back.)

Gearing Up For the Smackdown

2006-03-24T12:29:00.000-08:00

Roe v. Wade. The gift that, for 33 years, has kept right on giving to an otherwise personally indifferent Neo-Conservative Republican Party. And they've finally found a way to challenge the ruling. Now, it seems, the "other side" is vieing to give them the very opportunity they seek. This article on the BBC website gives a quick rundown. Ulitmately, I'm with the folks who are challenging the abortion ban in SD - can you believe those bastiges would force a woman who was raped, even by one of her own family, to bear an unwanted child? Although, on the flip side, what would overturning the ban do - like Mississippi, there's only one abortion provider in the whole state.

Admittedly, I'm a little leary about posting on this issue - it is such a hotbutton and I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But the fact is this is an important issue about the government interfering in our personal lives on behalf of a religious faction. In addition, I must point out that it is interference by a group of people who claim that all life is sacred, and yet we are overtly bombing the shit out of at least two countries. Thus, I feel justified to add my voice to the cacophony in hopes that reason may be had somewhere down the line.

Bleary-Eyed and Empty-Handed

2006-03-23T21:43:00.000-08:00

At almost one in the morning, coming up with nothing to read means I'm wasting my time surfing rather than sleeping. Although we're finally in a space where the baby sleeps well enough that it won't make or break my day to get six rather than eight or nine hours of in-bed time, I'm still going to pay the man in my own guilty little heart. The sitch is thus: I've been clicking from one blog to another, trying to generate possible readership and find something worth reciprocating for. So far, zilch. Every bloody person has a blog, and very little to say. Remind me again why I started this venture a second time?

Oh crud...guess who's waking up.

Amended in the Clear Light of Day...
So this morning, I sit down with my cereal and log on, only to go immediately to two very interesting and readable blogs. Franklin, a guy who knits (YAY!), nearly made me spit my cereal all over my laptop. Ginny is a fellow mom/knitter/creative spirit with some pretty substantial goals. Whew, and I was beginning to worry that intelligent life didn't exist on the Inter-snit.

Autre Blog

2006-03-23T10:45:00.000-08:00

So this is my old blog. As you can see, I worked very hard to make the thing purple. That, it seems, is about all I could muster up a passion for. The writing there was junk. That is why I've chosen to start anew - I hope by moving to a new page I will be inspired by new circumstances to make a better showing. Kind of like crumpling up the piece of paper you've been shitting all over with your pen and getting out a fresh sheet. Ah, that blank paper smell...

Firefly

2006-03-22T10:18:00.000-08:00

I'm plugging my first product. I think you all should just take a gander at this cute little number . I know I wanna have one for my next camping trip on Mt. Rainier.

C'est Moi in Bulletpoints

2006-03-22T10:07:00.000-08:00

C'est moi

Background

I am a compulsive organizer. Which means I drive my husband crazy trying to keep the house clean and tidy. It also means that everything has its own place, or it doesn't stay. Things that don't a home yet float around and around the house until they have one. Since having a child, I've had to get a little less tense about being totally organized. Little shortcuts like stuffing things in drawers to deal with later and not always folding my undies have become normal rather than anathema.
I detest crappy drivers. For all I know, I am one. But living in the Nascar state has made me wonder if some people just don't understand that driving is a risky thing and you could actually DIE.
I try very hard to take a zen approach to people I don't very much like, but I often fail miserably. This is true of political figures, like Monkey-boy Bush, as well as my neighbors and various family members. I'd like to be able to avoid taking certain kinds of things personally, but I feel like there's this angry little monster inside that stomps around waiting to be offended. My inner monster just doesn't want me to grow up!
Knitting is my latest crafty hobby. I started relearning to knit by making my son a blanket before (and after) he was born. I knit while I watch TV, which makes my poor hubby want to cry. I'm over my head with projects and ideas, but at least it feeds my creative yen.
Packrat? Connoisseur? Either way, I collect things. Right now I'm collecting books and kitchen stuff. It's very fun. Which leads me to admit...
I buy way more books than I could ever find the time to read. Bought with the best of intentions of course. And when I sort things onto bookshelves, I always put the stuff I haven't read in a pile so I know what I have on my plate.
Having a child finally taught me how to love. Wait, shouldn't that be my husband, you say? I thought so, but when my son arrived, I found that parts of my heart existed that I didn't know could be there. Having a baby and being a dedicated and attached parent has allowed me to open up closed and hardened parts, and to find new appreciation for others I care about as well.
I want very badly to finish a PhD in mediaeval Literature and Fantasy/Sci-Fi Fiction so I can be a college professor. Nuff said.
I know now that moving to the East coast was merely a short-term project to teach me how good I had it back home. That said, without this move I would not have my husband or my child, and I cannot live without both of them. So it was an educational move, and an important life-change, and I am thankful for both.
I have the coolest best friend in existence. I've learned more from her about the kind of person I want to be than I think I learned from other sources like teachers and parents. If I have a hero, it would be her.
As you could have probably guessed on your own, my favorite color is purple. And secondarily, blue. I love them together, I love them separately, I love them combined into beautiful new hues. I want to paint every room in my house some shade of bluish-violet.
I can't seem to get enthused about sports. I've tried. Really, I have tried my darndest. But even when one of my hometown (Seattle) teams is doing really well, I can't seem to work up the umpf behind my hoorahs.
This is not my first blog. I tried about a year ago to get on the bandwagon while my husband was hot on the idea. I ran into some rather unsavory arsenuts who were preaching in the other direction, so I bailed. Flamewars are not exciting to me, and often I'd like to join in, which makes me dislike myself just a bit. So I forswore the whole thing until I could find a way to get interested in blogging apart from being one of the gang.
I watch some TV, but NO cable. Like the microwave, cable TV is an invention I've done without for a decade or more. I watch the shows we download or buy on DVD, as in anything from the Whedon-verse and Alton Brown's Good Eats. Reality TV is garbage and a waste of valuable airwaves.
I LURVE the Harry Potter books & movies. I love it. I lurve it! I luuuurve all of it. Okay, I'll refrain from editorializing here about how the fourth movie blew chunks and that the books aren't just for children, blah blah blah. I'll save all that for a sickenly saccharine post later on.

All right then, time to get this baby on the presses. We'll just have to get to know me in 15-item installments, then.

There is No "Housewife" Option in the Profile

2006-03-21T20:46:00.000-08:00

What I do...

My day consists of hanging out with one rather small and very vocal 14-month-old personage. He is, of course, my son. For lack of a better description, I am a stay-at-home mom, though that implies that my days are filled with games, books and snacks. I know being a stay-at-homer isn't dosesn't garner as much disrespect from the ultra-fem crowd as it used to, but it still doesn't get the respect a proper career does. But I'm here to tell you that my job is a 24-hour-a-day operation that is part chef, part circus clown, part administrative assistant and part maid. Now, if anyone out there would like to tally how much my husband owes me in yearly salary, I'll get down to the business of collecting.

Little one

Having lots of money and a sparkly career isn't really the point, though, is it. I'm happier because of what I do than if I worked in some office or high rise and commuted an hour or two each day. Just ask my financier, or rather, my husband. His job stinks, but we've had to keep at it because it pays the bills and eventually the insurance. For the three of us, the best times are when we can sit down to a quiet meal together or hang out reading books. We're broke most of the time, so we don't go to a lot of movies or eat out at restaurants, but I'd bet our choices really pay off in the long run for our marriage and for our childrens' futures.

Look at me now!

So I'm sure I'll be posting more about the rugrat. You'll be getting to know him right along side getting to know me, because he's pretty much the center of my universe right now. If you don't like kids, you're in the wrong place, then, aren't you?!

An Introduction of Spirit

2006-03-21T10:25:00.000-08:00

The Garden of My Heart

In my garden, there is abundant life. Not just the obvious flora - vegetables and fruits - but also fauna. Chickens, ducks, bugs, a cat and dog. Also, the air and soil are alive with the vibrant green and gold of health-giving goodness. There is also a child in my garden who runs free like the summer wind. He carresses leaves and vines, enjoying the wonder of watching things grow. He plucks fresh tomatoes and sucks them, letting the juice run down his chin. He laughs and chases the animals. He is pure joy when he is in the garden.

This is the garden stored away in my heart, waiting to bloom in the light of day. Waiting for me to become all that I am able. I do not need a diety's blessing, or the sactions of any government authority, because I am alive and therefore divine and capable of self-rule. As I live, I grow ever closer to fulfilling my human potential. I am both kinetic and potential. Paradox and simple truth. This is how my garden grows.